


What Would Peter Pettigrew Do?

by pauraque



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Filk, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-12-03
Updated: 2004-12-03
Packaged: 2017-10-28 18:57:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/311136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pauraque/pseuds/pauraque
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A pressing question in the form of a song.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What Would Peter Pettigrew Do?

**Author's Note:**

> Dailyplanet started it, but, as they say, I continued it.

_Enter three PETER FANS, despondent, as though having been in an exhausting argument._

FIRST PETER FAN: They just don't understand.

SECOND PETER FAN: How can they possibly hate Peter? What books have _they_ been reading?

THIRD PETER FAN: I wonder what Peter would do in this situation.

SECOND PETER FAN: Yeah. What would Peter do?

 _A thoughtful pause._

 _SONG to the tune of 'What Would Brian Boitano Do?' from the South Park movie._

FIRST PETER FAN:  
What would Peter Pettigrew do  
If he were here right now?  
He'd make a plan and he'd follow through,  
That's what our guy Peter'd do.

SECOND PETER FAN:  
When my man Pete was cornered by that nutter Sirius Black,  
He killed twelve men and blew up the street with his wand behind his back!

THIRD PETER FAN:  
When Sirius tracked him down again twelve years after that,   
Peter faked his death once more and deftly framed the cat!

ALL:  
So what would Peter Pettigrew do  
If he really got the chance?  
I'm sure he'd kick an arse or two,  
That's what our guy Wormtail'd do.

FIRST PETER FAN:  
I'll tell you what I really want to see:  
Pete slashed with everyone from Snape to Harry.

SECOND PETER FAN:  
And I just want the fandom to admit that he's elite.

THIRD PETER FAN:  
I'll write, and draw some fanart too,  
Because my Peterlove is true!

ALL:  
When everyone that Peter knew  
Blindly followed Dumbledore,  
Pete had the balls to take a stand—  
That's why Wormtail is the man!

Pete chopped off his own right hand and somehow kept his head  
Enough to brew a potion that brought a man back from the dead!

FIRST PETER FAN:  
And check out Chapter One, Book Four, where he rows with You-Know-Who—

ALL:  
'Cause Peter Pettigrew doesn't take shit from aaaanyyyyboooodyyyyyy!

Pete does Voldie's dirty work  
And gets bupkis in return,  
So we'll start a comm and an archive too,  
And give our hero Pete his due.  
Yes, give our hero Pete his due!

 _Exeunt in high spirits._


End file.
